Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
