your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
