other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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