I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
