glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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