did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
