hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
