Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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