You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
