New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
