its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
