LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
