the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
