she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
