the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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