i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
