Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
