i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
