I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
