I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
