if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
