id be glad to
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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