so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize