God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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