it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
