That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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