Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
