You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
