So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
