he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
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...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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