end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
