Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you had me at cake vodka
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
