I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
