Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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