oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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