Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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