How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
