when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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