I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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