i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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