you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
