spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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