I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
