dude i'm inner monologue high
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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