My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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