she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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