i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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