Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
