I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
