I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
