I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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