All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
