put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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