none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
