I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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