do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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