I want to have your abortion
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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