I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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