When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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