fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
