like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
