You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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