I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
