He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Less talking, more tequila
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
