there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
