You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
